My mood has evened out nicely in the last few days, so I guess the meds are working. I still have my twinges but I realize that's going to keep happening until the meds have been in my system for a few weeks, which makes it not seem so bad. Almost like there's something to look forward to.

I wonder how many people have seen a three year old and his great grandmother in a tug of war over a walker? I saw that yesterday and it was kind of surreal. Trent wanted my grandmother's walker, but she recently had knee surgery and can't get around without it. Between his trying to rob my grandmother of her walker, him climbing up into the window and up on the entertainment center, and trying to keep him from bumping into my grandmother's still-healing knee, I was wasted by about 1pm. Exhausted to my core. My mother told me that since she had to be in the area anyway, she'd watch the babies while I did some grocery shopping, but first she and my aunt had to take my grandmother's Kia in for it's checkup. It took her half the day to accomplish this because it never occurred to my grandmother that she'd need the paperwork with the warranty information to show the nice people at the Kia place, so my mom had to go all the way back home (to West Va.), to get it. While she and my aunt were off roaming the wilds of West Va., I was looking out for my grandmother and her niece, who must be at least in her mid sixties by my estimation. Neither of them gets around very well, so it was suddenly like having two additional children to take care of.

By the time my mom got back I was chomping to get the hell out of here, exhausted or not. My aunt went with me, which is a good thing because it would have taken me twice as long.

Zoe got up this morning around two o'clock, just as I was heading to bed and didn't go back to sleep for a long time. She didn't want me to either. Every time I started to doze off she'd come over and do one of her patented little squeaky noises and wake me up. She kept scratching my leg with her Freddy Krueger-like nails (memo to me - trim those things), for some reason. To get my attention, I suppose. It worked, but only temporarily. I did eventually fall asleep but only for about 90 minutes. Trent got up right before 6am but fortunately I was able to get him to go back to sleep.

Zoe doesn't wake up early as frequently as she used to, but it still happens often enough that it kicks my butt. Larry's trip to Boston got postponed until next week so he was able to get home almost on time tonight, for which I was deeply grateful.

I promised my mom that since I didn't go today I'd bring the babies out to visit her tomorrow. I was so tired I just didn't trust myself to drive this morning. The act of trying to figure out whether to stay or go made me remember the period a few years ago in which I kept falling alseep while I was driving. It happened almost every night on the way home from work for a long time. After we got married Larry got the insurance company to help us arrange for a sleep test. It turns out I have sleep apnea, but the apparatus that would help me treat it is expensive so the insurance company wouldn't cover it. Just like orthodonture.

Fuck.

Anyway, recently I've been feeling tired all of the time, the way I did back then, and I don't like it. I have too much to do. A big part of it is probably the depression. It sucks every bit of life out of you, making you feel spiritless. Like a deflated balloon. Larry tells me that once I become accustomed to taking the Zoloft it will have an energizing effect.

I sure hope so. Because this completely fucking sucks.

All I want to do is sleep.