Today is...well, today is a very special day. One whose passing I look fondly upon every year since 1998. One whose passing brings untold joy to my heart and a girlish glow to my cheeks. One whose passing I like to celebrate with a sigh of relief and a spring in my step.

Yes, today is my anniversary. And not just any anniversary, either. Oh no. Today is the anniversary of the day I married Fuck Face.

And why would this make me happy, you ask? Why does this day deserve to pass with more than a cursory glance at the calendar and a sad shake of my silly head?

Because I don't have to spend it with him, that's why.

Today we would have been married for fifteen years. Fifteen years!! To a verbally abusive, manipulative, misogynist redneck who for some reason couldn't fathom why I don't want to allow myself to be spoken to like a retard and anally penetrated. If the fact that I'm not isn't cause to rejoice there will never be one.

So yes, I'm very happy today.

And he's still trying to figure out why he can't keep a female interested in his chain-smoking, mayonnaise slurping, non-house cleaning ass.

Boo-ya! Life is good.

Hey, I never said I wasn't a bitch...