I have fallen completely in love with That Kiss. Everything about it is wonderful, and even though I've never posted an entry there myself I really enjoy reading through the others.

There's a world of difference bewteen an electric, sensory driven, romantic kiss and some guy who says he loves/likes you sticking his tongue in your mouth. At least to me there is. I was definitely inspired to write the story of my best kiss. If I do I'll post the link here. It's actually a rather unusual story because of where it happened.

Dr. Phil gets on my nerves so incredibly bad.

Nobody likes a Mr. Know It All, jackhole!!

Besides, the advice he and Oprah give is so impractical. Seeing him on TV reminded me of an episode of Oprah I saw last year. I don't usually watch Oprah (gah!!), but every once in awhile I see an ad for a show of hers that I'm interested in. One of those was about women who leave their families for several weeks or several months in order to validate themselves and calm their spirits. Yeah, I can see women picking right up on that idea and running like crazy with it.

Let's see if I can put this into perspective.

Premise:

Women pack their stuff and board a plane. They go somewhere far away from their homes where they can sit around in a nice steamy spa all day having the puffiness under their eyes soothed away and their achy muscles massaged on demand, and their tender spirits tended to.

Sounds groovy! Where the hell do I sign up?

I don't. Because this kind of thing is only available to a woman who has the approximate bank account balance of one Oprah Winfrey and doesn't care if she still has a family when she gets home.

I couldn't be away from my children for that long however desperately I needed the vacation, and believe me I do. I've done the single mom thing and the stay-at-home-mom thing and neither one is conducive to a non-stressful environment, but would I be able to relax when I'm hundreds of miles away and don't know what's going on with my family?

The thing is, I'd have to know. I'd just have to. Because they make me nuts but I love these people so much. My children are so wonderful and so sweet. My husband is my soul mate. I can't be far away from him (perhaps I'm co-dependent or something). I can't be too far away to hear him and my children talk and laugh. I need that every day. I need their closeness. I need to give as well as receive, which means making them happy too. All of them do things I'd rather they didn't, but hey - that's life. That doesn't mean it's okay to abandon them, not even for a little while.

These sabbaticals Oprah suggests are just that, in my opinion. Abandonment. If you leave your family and stay gone for three months, seven months, a year...you're abandoning them. Calling it "nourishing your spirit" is just a whitewash.

You can throw a cowplopper in the oven any old time ya want, but it ain't never gonna be a biscuit.

I could sure use a vacation but not that badly.

That kind of thing could mean the end of my marriage. I wouldn't expect Larry to wait around for however long it takes me to do my thing. And what about my children? Who would be looking after them while their father is working and their mother is off doing whatever?

No, thanks.

Define self-centered, Oprah.