From my other journal, dated August 15, 2002

I had most of my entry written and hit the wrong key, deleting the whole thing.
DAMN!!
Anyway, I'm still elated. I got approved for a Mastercard yesterday. I had a Visa with Nextcard, but they were bought out by another company and the service discontinued. Nextcard didn't let me know what was happening, either. I had trouble using the card online and Ebay sent me a message telling me that the card I kept online for automatic billing wasn't working. I checked the Nextcard website and they didn't have any kind of notice up, nor did they email me or give me any other kid of notification for about two weeks. I didn't understand why my charges were being denied but I hadn't maxed out the card.
I wanted to cry when I got their letter in the mail explaining what was happening. I wish they had at least had the courtesy to let me know that sooner, so that I could stop trying to use it.
It had been so hard for me to get a credit card because Fuck Face and I had a bankruptcy in our distant past and I had no credit at all. My mom cosigned an application to help us get a credit card about a year before we started having marital problems and to our surprise, Capital One gave us one. I thought that since we both were authorized to use it I was building my credit up too, but because he was the primary cardholder all I was doing was boosting his rating. When we separated I tried several times to get a card and was always denied, even by Capital One. I had no choice but to use his card to get things John needed and he always expected me to have sex with him or give him oral sex in exchange. I never did and he'd get pissed off and take the card back until the next time John needed something, then he'd ASK me to go get what my baby needed.
"And by the way, when you get back..."
He always rubbed his crotch when he said that, leaving me with no question about what he meant. He was very persistant about it. When I got back we always had words because I refused to put out in exchange for a card he had asked me to use to begin with. Most of the time he'd grab my breasts or put his hands between my legs in an effort to coerce me. I guess he felt as if he had the advantage because I couldn't get a credit card and wasn't making much money with either of my jobs. As always, when I said no he'd get angry, say something disgusting and take the card away.
I HATE THAT FUCKING BASTARD!! I HOPE HE NEVER GETS SEX AGAIN FOR THE REST OF HIS DISGUSTING TWISTED ABUSIVE LIFE!!!!
Whew! I feel better now.
Moving right along...
Anyway, when I got that letter from Nextcard I felt as if I couldn't breathe for a second. I'm in a good marriage and Larry does take care of things, but I still need to have my own credit.
EVERY WOMAN DOES.
If something happens to my husband or he does eventually leave me I don't want to again be put in the position of having to rebuild. It took too long and John and I went without too much when I didn't have one. It would have been such a relief to be able to put prescriptions and doctor visits on the card so I could use the money I had to buy groceries. There were lots of times I had to choose between the two, and it's a pain like no other.
It's almost an obsession, taking care of my credit. In this world you can't get very far without it. Not having it puts you at the mercy of other people or keeps you from being able to take good care of your child. It means the difference between food and no food during times of illness or when the rent is due. It means a full tank of gas and another day with electricity to keep the house warm.
So to say that I'm relieved is an understatement. I'm jubilant. I'm delighted. I want to rejoice to the rafters.
Because even though it isn't going to save my life right now, one day it just might, and my children's lives too.
Oh, I haven't mentioned the best part yet. I had a really good rapport with Nextcard because I always paid on time and paid lots more than the minimum expected payment, so GM gave me a line of credit that's more than double my limit with Nextcard.
YAY ME!!
:: dancing ::
Go girly! Go girly! Not my birthday! But I got credit!

Hee-hee.
I'm a little giddy right now.