From my other journal, dated August 16, 2002

If there are any spelling errors in this entry I'll fix them later. It's late, I'm tired, and I think I may be getting a bit cross-eyed.

I just watched the news and I'm completely heartsick about the verdict in the Andy Williams case. He got fifty years.

Fifty years for defending himself.

Andy was a good kid. He had lots of friends here and a girlfriend who still seems very sad when she talks about him on TV, so my guess is she misses him terribly. He went to the same school as John. Andy's girlfriend tried to get the students together last year for a community type of thing right after Andy shot those kids in Santee, and was sent to the office for a lecture from the principal because the fliers she and her friends were passing out weren't approved by the school or something similarly stupid.

Anyway, I do believe Andy was trying to defend himself. He was in a place where two boys had him singled out for harrassment because he was a skinny kid and they figured they could get away with it.

They pushed him around at school.

If he ran into them at the mall there was harrassment.

They beat him up at the skate park so many times he stopped going.

And all the while, as usual, the school did nothing to protect him. He was being beaten at least once a week, usually at the skate park or on school property and no one came forward to help him.

He was afraid for his safety and for his life. From what I've learned, he felt that this was the only way to defend himself.

Having been someone who was bullied at school from kindergarten up, I feel no sympathy whatsoever for the boys he shot. I don't feel as if I'm backing up the "blame the victim" mentality that's rampant in our court system in saying that they pushed him over the edge with their abusive bullshit.

I do feel terribly sorry for their families, however. They certainly didn't deserve this. The families of those boys probably had no idea they liked to attack people smaller than themselves for fun.

Mostly I feel sorry for Andy himself. He went from a place where he was not only accepted, but liked and had a large circle of friends, to a place where he was mercilessly abused.

Physically, verbally and emotionally. The physical attacks didn't happen every day but the verbal and emotional abuse Andy endured both in school and out were daily.

He dealt with it until he couldn't anymore. Then he snapped.

Now this boy is going to jail for fifty years.

I'm going to try and get his address and send him a letter or card or something. I really feel the need to reach out to him. I cried when I saw his sentencing. It seems so unfair that Andy should go to prison for so long for killing people who maintained a regular habit of beating the hell out of him and threatening to kill him. If I were one of his parents I'd already have my attorney writing up and appeal right now.

Thinking about writing Andy reminds me that there's someone else I want to write to.

Mary Kay Letourneau. I've been meaning to send her a letter for over three years. If the boy consented and his own mother defended her in court (also in agreement that what happened was not a rape), why the state of Washington is so adamant about keeping her locked up is a mystery to me. She shouldn't have fooled around with a boy that young, especially since she was married, but the boy himself loves her and wants to be with her when she gets out. At least he says he does. This is completely different from a man (or woman), sexually abusing children in their care and scarring them for life.

There are so many pieces of that that feel wrong to me. I certainly would not be happy about my 14 year old son bringing home a woman, and even more unhappy if they had a baby, but I don't think I could prosecute her for it. The baby would need his or her mother. Mothers create a child's entire sense of security.

Her children, both the ones she had with Vili and the four she had with her previous husband must me really feeling her absence. She's been locked away since 1998 and won't be getting out until 2005. Also, her ex doesn't let her have any contact with their children so that adds yet another degree of difficulty to an already painful situation. She was a good mother. Everyone who I have seen on TV or read about who knew her said she was the best mother a child could hope for. To be separated from them must be agony for her.

I'd rather die. I couldn't be away from mine.

Larry's going to be out playing golf with a friend on Sunday. Maybe I'll get up early and write her that letter.

I don't know.

Other people certainly won't agree with that but I feel like it's the right thing to do.

I need to find the address to the place where Andy is being held too.