From my other journal, dated September 6, 2002

After five days Trent was over his cold, but for Zoe it just seems to be hanging on. She did seem as if she was improving. Her fever went away and she had a bit more energy, but her sinuses are a wreck and she constantly needs her little nose and face wiped. I have an appointment to take her to see Dr. F this afternoon. Based on what he says we'll decide whether to have her birthday celebration this weekend or put it off for another week. If she's not feeling well she won't enjoy it anyway, and I can't very well expect my brother to bring his immune-compromised daughter over when someone in the house is sick.

I wish we could get past this. I know that once we do it's only a matter of time until someone else gets sick because we're right on the edge of flu season. In a house full of children it's almost a given that all or one of them will have the sniffles or something more potent one right after the other. It's the domino effect from hell.

Larry's going to see if he can get out early today and help me. This means he's either going to take Zoe to the doctor or watch Trent so I can. He's so good about things like this. If every man were as attentive to his children as Larry is, fewer kids would be growing up to become like Eminem.

I'm going to try to get myself at least reasonably well put together before we leave because I loathe going out looking like I've been pulled through a knothole but if the kids don't both nap at once that's not an option. Of course, by now the doctors at that office should be quite used to seeing me come in with no makeup and bags under my eyes. I'm not even sure makeup would cover them up today. For the last three nights Zoe's been getting up, presumably because her sinuses are plugged and she's having trouble sleeping. Then she stays up for two or three hours. I have to get up at 6:30 to get John out to school and by then either one or both of the babies are usually awake. They haven't been napping at the same time much recently either, which prevents me from doing the same. Zoe's naps have been especially short because the decongestants haven't helped as much for the past day or so and she sleeps for about fifteen or twenty minutes then wakes up screaming to be held. So yeah, I look like I've been shot at and missed, shit at and hit.

I haven't been able to get myself motivated to do the things I need to do because I've been so exhausted and my house looks as gross as I do. The errands have been let go too. So tomorrow I have to run the errands, shop and clean the house, all on who knows how little sleep.

That's just the way it is sometimes.

I'd like to sleep for about three days straight, then roll over and take a nap.

I was going to try to celebrate Mabon but if things don't improve I won't even be able to make the preparations. I wish I was better able to tend to the wiccan things I want to do.

Every day I pray, I do my devotions, I talk to Goddess and God, then when the time comes to celebrate the sabbats or do a working on the esbats I fall sadly short. I haven't done any magick in the longest time and I really miss that. I feel as if I'm turning into a part-time witch and I don't like it because my faith is still there and still strong. It just needs to be expressed and right now that seems almost impossible. My Witch's Almanac has gone unopened for most of the year.

I don't want to become spiritually lost because of my obligations.