From my other journal, dated September 30, 2002

Excuse me while I feel sorry for myself for a few minutes.

My parents have put down money on a house, the purchase of which depends upon the sale of their house. In any other case I'd say that's an okay thing to do, but not in this case. The house, a full duplex (two complete HUGE homes under one roof), was on the market for over a year when they bought it and the owner lowered the price to $126,000.00. For the amount of house they got, it was a bargain and they knew it.

Now they've put the cart before the freaking horse and have to rush like maniacs to get the fucking thing ready for sale. It needs some work, not much but enough that they haven't even put it on the market yet.

I think that to do what they have done here is overzealous and totally silly, but it's none of my business. I'll support whatever they do because I love them but I have to admit that I'm really pissed off right now.

They need to sell their house before December 8th in order to make the deadline for the purchase of their new home. It should have been on the market ages ago. So they're doing the neutron dance right now. In fact, they're doing the neutron dance all weekend and probably for the next several weeks.

So they can't babysit.

Normally that wouldn't be a big, fat hairy deal but this Sunday is our three year wedding anniversary and Monday is Larry's birthday. Both of which we'll be spending at home.

I am so angry right now. My folks, who are very bright people, have jumped ahead blindly so Larry and I have to stay home on both of our special days because we don't have reliable child care. We don't know anyone else who we can trust to take care of the babies for the day.

I could even deal with that if we ever got out to ourselves, but those occasions are few and far between. I can't remember the last time. We saw a movie, but it's been so long ago I don't remember which one.

Nevermind that it's our anniversary.

Nevermind that we haven't been out by ourselves in months.

Nevermind that while Larry has gotten out recently to play golf, the only time I've gotten out lately has been to either run an errand or take someone to the doctor.

Nevermind that I've been going almost non-stop day and night for the last eight days taking care of sick children and need a break.

I give up.

I'm giving up on trying to do anything on weekends. I've long since given up on looking forward to them anyway. Most people have a break to look forward to at the end of the week. It's been so long since I've had a break I don't remember when it was. Saturday is just another work day. I'm supposed to go out on the 19th of October with my mom to get my hair and nails done (and I'd better enjoy it because my hair will most likely be down past my ass before it happens again), but since we've had to put it off once already the situation doesn't look very promising. I was given a gift certificate right after Zoe was born for a day at the spa in Frederick (which I'm splitting with my mom), and it's about to expire. In fact it already has because I've never been able to take the day to use it. If not for the fact that the spa honors certificates for three months after expiration I'd have wasted all the money my husband's coworkers put down for it.

We'll see what happens then.

I'm so tired of everything I do being restricted or going undone I could scream.

Fuck this shit.