8:12 a.m.

[ Lutherans and Spiders ]

I was really surprised by my ability to just fall back into the old system yesterday. By that I mean my former religion. I was catholic for most of my childhood and that's what the Lutherans are, with a few major exceptions. The main one being that the priests are allowed to marry and have a family. Discussing it on the way home, Larry and I decided that the sexual abuse statistics have to be much lower as a result.

The church was bright, the altar area painted with a mural in cheerful colors and the overall feel of the church was open, friendly and welcoming. I couldn't believe it. The churches we attended while I was growing up were dark somber places, and with the exception of Father Cleary, the priests' personalities reflected their environment. Father Cleary was absolutely awesome, good natured and full of fun. Coincidentally, he was the only thing about the catholic church that didn't scare the everloving shit out of me until yesterday.

The ceremony was beautiful. There were four babies to be baptized, so their families and sponsors brought them up to the altar and they were baptized one by one, then stood off to the side of the altar area for a few minutes during prayer. The priests (there were two, but one of them was a newbie), held the children and walked them up and down the main aisle to introduce them to the congregation. Some of them got a little freaked out and cried but the priest handled it with a wonderful sense of humor that made the whole thing even more enjoyable. We weren't going to stay for the rest of the service but we did and it was lovely.

I was thrilled to see that instead of standard Sunday School, there was some time set aside toward the middle of the service for the children to come up to the front of the church and have their class in the altar area. It took about ten minutes. I thought it was brilliant, because it gave the parents a chance to see what their children were being taught, which was the child-friendly version of the day's sermon. Catholic or otherwise, most people I know have a rather uncomfortable feeling in the pit of our bellies remembering our Sunday School classes. I attended CCD once a week as a catholic then Sunday School and vacation bible school classes as a protestant. The CCD thing wasn't too bad, it did help me prepare for my first holy communion, which is a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig deal with catholics. The sunday school classes were like a kind of torture though. Protestants have no qualms whatsoever about using the "fire and brimstone" preaching method with children and I often found myself nervous and afraid after class. What made it worse was that the first woman who taught me in class was a hard core fundamentalist. She wore long dresses, no makeup. Everything was to the floor and to the wrist, neck buttoned up all the way. How this woman managed to have two children is beyond me because she looked like she would only have sex to procreate and if it didn't take, too bad - you had your chance, Bucko. From her we truly learned what it was to fear God. I mean, shaking in your shoes, night terrors, fear of God's holy wrath, baby. This was circa 1982 or 1983 and she was fond of telling people that shows like the Smurfs and He-Man/She-Ra were the evil incarnate because they showed the characters solving their problems with magic instead of consulting with the Lord. She was sure the creators of said programs were going to become Post Toasties in the afterlife.

Yikes.

Anyway, what I experienced yesterday was a nice change from that. There was no hellfire and brimstone bullshit, no judgemental this kind of person goes to hell bullshit and the sermon was actually pleasant to sit through. It was about loving and nurturing those whom you consider to be different or "weeds", just as God loves and respects them. I found it very moving and the priests were (again), absolutely wonderful. I almost collapsed into giggles when I saw the (head?) priest though. He looks exactly like Leonard Maltin. I mean identical. Larry told me he seemed familiar, like he'd met the guy somewhere before or maybe got paired up with for a game of golf. I told him it was because he looked like Leonard Maltin and he went into hysterics.

"Oh my GOD! That's it!"

The kids did the best they could but it was a bit much for them. Trent was freaked out by the deep tones of the organ music and had to be taken out and walked, Zoe just couldn't keep still. She twisted and turned and battered my boobs until I thought they'd fall off. She also sang. There were lots of times when it got quiet and we could all hear my little girly going, "Da da da" or "Buh buh buh buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh." Oddly, no one seemed to mind. In fact they seemed to like it. Even the priests, who made a point of talking to her after the service.

So all in all, it was absolutely wonderful to be there. I'm not in the market for a new religion as I am quite a contented old witch, but if I ever change my mind that church is where I want to go. I don't care that it's an hour away from my house. It's just that good.

As for the movie(Eight Legged Freaks), we had a blast. It was so gross! In some scenes the spiders were shot with rifles or whatever and tons of snotty green goo came flying out of them. They picked people up and turned them while they cocooned them, which was also very creepy because it generally involved two spiders and they had to be close to the person to wrap him or her up. The dirt bike scene was the ultimate, though. Some of the spiders were the kind that can jump and they were chasing a group of teenagers who were trying to get away on their dirt bikes. One of the kids did a trick I saw on ESPN last week and managed to kick one of the spiders away, but they kept coming. The spiders quickly learned to time their jumps and get the advantage until there was only one kid left.

The effects were good and so was the acting (David Arquette - of course the acting was good), the spiders were scary and the whole movie was completely enjoyable. One is left to wonder why David Arquette wasted himself on Courteney Cox, who is pretty, but not nearly as pretty as he is.

Okay, so maybe I'm the only one who wonders that.

My bad.

Anyway, it was a good weekend.