As soon as I posted that last entry I knew I had made a mistake. Going back on the Elavil isn't going to help. I was just going to do that because I felt at the time that I had no other options. There really isn't time for me to go through the usual trial and error it takes to find the right meds. My babysitter situation is just too tentative.

I called my doctor and then spent the afternoon on and off of my cellphone with her office because no one wants to prescribe antidepressants without an office visit. I explained that I can't walways get a babysitter and the receptionsit asked me, "Well is there any way at all you can come in? Maybe you could bring the kids with you?"

Me: "Ma'am, I have two toddlers, one of whom is two, one is three. My three year old is a destructive force like no other and I can't get him to stay in the stroller. In fact, he has just climbed up to the top of our entertainment center and is now sitting behind the DVD player. believe me, you don't want me to bring him out there."

The receptionist laughed. Why do people always do that when I mention something like this? I wasn't kidding. He really was perched up there.

I still ended up having to make an appointment for next Monday, which is fine because my parents have relatives staying with them all this week and my dad is finally going back to work after his accident, leaving my mother on her own to entertain them. Not a problem for them as these are some of our nicer relatives, but I couldn't ask her to babysit my kids on top of having a house full of company.

So as of last friday I've been taking Zoloft. I know it takes awhile to build up a blood serum level and that I'm not supposed to see any real relief for a few weeks, but I'm already calmer and my moods haven't been swinging so hard. As I've said before, the act of doing something to help myself is therapeutic on it's own.

I hope this is the last time I'll have to do this. Maybe the Zoloft is what I need.