Cousins having a fling on Jerry Springer. How many different ways can I say eeeew?

Whoa. A commercial for a Medieval Times restaurant. Not too far away. I saw one of those in The Cable Guy but had no idea it was real. I want to go!!

It felt so good to be off of the meds at first. There was a definite change in my mood, my focus was good and I was doing so well, but I think I may be crashing. The Elavil had me going up and down constantly so I can't go back on that and I can't go to the doctor right now so I'm really not sure what to do. The last few days it's been getting worse, more intense every day by degrees, and I'm feeling helpless to do anything about it. My doctor doesn't schedule this kind of appointment on weekends and I can't get out to do it during the week. I have to be really sick in order to make an appointment during the week and Larry has to rearrange his work schedule to help me get there. I don't know if this is something that will pass or if it will get better if I wait it out. I'm getting the definite impression it won't.

I relapse every time I go off the meds. My doctor has already come to the conclusion that my depression is not situational, but chemical. Why did I think 'I haven't tried in awhile, I bet things will be okay this time'? What made me think I could overcome not only my illness, but my history? I don't know. I thought it would be better this time and while it's steadily getting worse I'm just kind of stuck in limbo, watching it become more intense and feeling helpless to do anything about it.

If I do go to my doctor and have her prescribe something different, what then? It took me six tries to find something that didn't make me shake, dizzy enough to pass out, or constantly nauseous. I don't have the option of going back six times now. It has to be done in one trip, two at the most, and I don't know how much time will lapse between appointments.

I can't even focus on this right now because I have to keep stopping to go pull Trent out of things. He just emptied my bag and had my pepper spray out. That could have been bad.

Right now I guess I have no choice but to go back on the Elavil. I have to do something.

Larry has to go to Boston for a meeting with one of the clients next week. It's a major vaccine project and since he's the HGIC (head guy in charge), it's his job to go. I wanted to go but since the company is paying for the trip, I can't. Not that I'm sure I would have had anyone to watch the kids, I just got all hopeful about going somewhere I've never been.

I need a vacation so much.