I tried to paint my daughter's toenails today. There was something in my head that was able to somehow push common sense to the rear and ignore that fact that several thousand years of ingrained baby behavior were not about to change just because I had a bottle of nail polish in my hand. She was in her little booster seat on the table, she had been fed and was happily playing with a package of cookies (to hear the wrapper crinkle), and I thought she was distracted. She was until she saw me heading toward her toes with the brush. Then she got this um, excuse me, but what the hell are you doing look. She sat still for a grand total of three seconds. Then she started kicking her feet. I had already started so it didn't make sense to stop and leave most of her toenails unpainted. Now her little feet have these random streaks of red polish all over them and it looks as if I've been brutally pounding on her toes with a hammer.

I'm still having that strange, impending unpleasantness feeling. It's like waiting for someone you don't like to arrive at the party so you can gauge their mood and see if they're going to ruin your evening. Other than that, I'm pretty happy these days. I think I've accepted things that were interfering with my happiness. Tonight it doesn't seem to matter that I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to do and am almost 34, that I hardly ever get out unless it's to run errands or take someone to the doctor or that Larry and I can't get more than a few minutes to ourselves. The marriage is great, except for Trent's ear infection the kids are all healthy and I'm feeling more peaceful than I have in years.

I told someone I trust something that I've been keeping to myself for years and the world didn't end. The response was kind and supportive, just what I needed.

You know who you are - thank you for that. It means the world to me, it really does.

My parents almost have their house sold. The buyers just wanted a home inspection and a radon test. Last Friday, on the day of the home inspection, the weight of the rain-soaked snow on the roof of their shed caused it to cave in. My parents had no idea. Apparently it happened after they left for work. Other than that the inspection went great. That night my dad was out on the roof of their porch shoveling snow. He probably saved their porch from being damaged.

Basements are flooding all over the place, but all we have so far is a small trickle of water that we think is seeping in around the opening for the attachment for the air conditioner. Who says central air is trobule free? Anyway, what we're more concerned with is the cellar doors. We have the big metal kind that protect the stairway to our outside basement entrance and sometimes in wet weather the rain comes in around them. I shoveled snow away from it last week and so far, so good. But today I heard there's more snow in the forecast for later on this week. Ack. On the plus side, maybe this year I'll be able to plant the butterfly garden I wanted to plant last year but couldn't because even in the spring we knew there was a drought. I'll be able to do some yard work this year if someone will watch the kids. That will be nice. Our neighbors all have these showplace, Better Homes & Gardens style yards and we can barely get the leaves raked in ours. In fact, we still haven't.

I'm starting to feel the need to take a hiatus from Diaryland again and play with my DeadJournal more, but I don't think I will because I have all of these diary rings open now, some of which have lots of members. I did that, joined the fanlistings and started designing again not just so I could express myself, but also in an effort to keep me from hopping all over the place again. I love the community here but more and more I feel as if I'm not holding up my end of things. It takes me days to answer messages left in my notes or guestbook and I feel as if I'm being rude to people and that's not good. I find rudeness intolerable and try to avoid being that way myself whenever possible, even when telemarketers call and refuse to hear me when I tell them no politely. One called the other day and kept hammering at me so after politely explaining to her twice that I really don't need another credit card - thanks so much, I hung up on her and felt really bad about it later.