10:51 p.m.

[ Sometimes I'm Just Stupid ]

I don't have an ear infection. What I have is a swelling in my eustacian tube that is causing my ear not to drain.

And stupidity.

Don't forget stupidity.

In this case it could have eventually been terminal.

My diet is making my diabetes worse. My doctor checked my heartbeat and discovered that it was elevated. Since there was no sign of infection and I didn't have a fever he determined the cause to be elevated levels of glucose in my blood. Apparently the liver pumps extra glucose into your blood stream to try and keep you regulated if you should be in a situation in which you're stranded somewhere for a few days and unable to eat. This same function kicks in when you're purposely going without food like I was, in a lameoid attempt to lose weight. In addition to that I wasn't injecting much insulin because I thought my blood sugar wouldn't be high if I wasn't eating.

When I got home I tested it to see if the doctor was right.

It was 225.

Shit.

So I really wasn't doing myself any favors. I've been on this uncomfortable damn diet for a month.

A month!

It makes me wonder how much of that time my blood sugar was this out of control.

I took myself off of the diet as of tonight and I started injecting the right amount of insulin again. Yes, it's a pain in the ass to test constantly and it's a pain to have to bother with the injections, but they're keeping me alive. If I had gone on like that who knows what might have happened? So far I haven't developed any of the serious problems diabetics have (except swollen feet, and that's better now), my eyes are good, my circulation is great and I have no numbness anywhere. What damage have I done to myself in the last four weeks?

Not much I hope. If there is any, maybe I can reverse it with proper care or at least stop it from getting worse.

I could have really hurt myself.

The irony is that I was trying to lose weight to get my sugars under control.

I really only succeeded in making them worse.