I asked Larry to show me how to use paint shop and photo shop to make templates for layouts. He knows how to do all sorts of cool things with those programs and I'm feeling as if I'm a little bit behind with this designing thing, because I can do code like crazy but as far as designing original templates...I'm basically clueless.

He didn't seem to know what I was talking about, so I showed him a site that was created using the techniques I'd like to learn. I took him to Enchancea. He was impressed. She has that brush thing down quite well. She also has my link on her splash page, which I didn't stop to consider until we were already there and ogling her template. He was able to pick it out right away.

"That's you, right? Dreamy Autumn?"

For a second I considered telling him no, but I don't want to lie to him, so I said it was and asked him how he knew. He said it just sounded like me.

I got a little panicky for a few minutes.

But then I thought about it.

I've never written anything in this journal that isn't true and certainly haven't said anything negative about him. I have written about some arguments we've had and how I felt about them, but for every one of that kind of entry there must be at least ten or fifteen entries in which I sicken my readers by talking about how great he is with the kids and how much I love him. So I explained that to him and offered to send him my link.

He was a little surprized that I had written about our arguments, but I explained to him that if I'm upset this journal is a good outlet.

He said he didn't mind that I had written about them, but that he didn't want me to be upset.

Well, it's not as if it can be avoided. People get upset sometimes because life is far from perfect and human beings are even less so. As I have said many times, there is no way two people can live together for any length of time without occasionally stepping on one another's toes.

He said he didn't want to see my journal, that he'd leave me my privacy. I'm really okay with him visiting. I haven't said anything here (not that I recall), that he doesn't already know and I have no intention of changing anything about the way I write. If I'm happy, the world knows. If I'm upset, the world can know that too.

I think he should have one too. In fact I offered to show him how to open one up and design a layout for him, even if he chose to lock it up so that I couldn't read it. He declined but said I was sweet to offer.

A few months (maybe even a few weeks), ago I would have been horrified to think that someone I knew was reading my journal but this feels okay to me.

Yeah, I really think it is.

And if he does eventually decide to read it, it could actually draw us closer.

Who knows? It could happen.