From my other journal, dated July 10, 2002

Not taking the meds...

...is a good thing. I feel much better and my moods are nice and mellow today. I was pretty angry about my work being taken, but I didn't want to die over it, as I'm sure I would have a week ago. My appointment with my doctor is tomorrow evening and I can't wait, because afterwards I'll be officially meds-free. I am now, but it isn't official until my doctor knows it.

I'm pretty pleased with the way my little website is coming along. Pretty soon the memorial site will be up to date and I can add my wicca section and other assorted goodies to Sionainne. Maybe in retrospect I should have given my journal and website different titles, but ah well...

What can I say? I like the name.

I had another dream about the friend I mentioned a few entries ago. Only this time we had sex. Really, really good sex. Lots of foreplay, holding, kissing. He touched my wrists and I absolutely love that. The thing about it is, as wonderful as it was, I don't feel guilty about it any more. The fact that I was dreaming about him made me question what my bond is to my husband but there aren't any problems with my marriage. This man reminds me of my husband. That's all.

Well, it isn't really all.

See, Larry and I haven't had much time together of late. That's time we would have been spending doing everything in my dreams and nurturing our relationship. Other things tend to come first, and well...that's life, baby. That's just the way things happen and I understand it, even if I don't really like it much.

When we were dating we were like rabbits. Overly productive, hormonally challenged, rutting rodents with infinite opportunites to procreate. Now we have babies and the opportunity to make love doesn't present itself as often as it did. So we really appreciate it when it does.

This weekend Larry had the chance to go hang out with his friend and go golfing. He loves doing that, but he passed on it so he could spend the day being stuck at home with me because we have no babysitter.

Now that's devotion.

Maybe we'll get some uninterrupted time together this weekend. While the kids are sleeping.

Maybe I'll slip them a little Benadryl and help things along.

What?

They have allergies.

Well they do!