From my other journal, dated July 11, 2002

Trent had his evaluation with the psychologist. We all got in the floor and played with him (at different times, of course), amd the psychs said they got a really good idea of what Trent is like. Unfortunately they have to review the video they shot and compare notes before giving us any kind of information on what may be causing the speech delay. He spoke when we were there, though.

I couldn't believe it. He speaks very little, even for his speech therapist. The greatest thing about it was that it was a word he never said before. The Psychs had an old Fisher-Price toy telephone, the kind with a rotary dial that sounds like a bicycle bell as it turns. Trent fell absolutely in love with it and we had to distract him so that it could be put away and he could focus on other things. He toddled right over to it, sat down on the floor and made it ring, then he picked up the receiver and said, "Hello."

I rejoiced. It was the first time he'd ever said that and I was so delighted I could have squeezed him breathless right then. He said it two more times before we went on to other things, so I know it wasn't just some random sound he was making.

I told these people my baby can talk. He was born six weeks early so of course he's a little behind developmentally. He had to catch up on his in utero development from the outside and now he's got to get caught up on his post-birth development.

But my baby can talk. I knew he could because he does it at home. Not as much as we'd like, but he does it.

So now begins the agonizing wait until next week's appointment, when the psychs will give us their findings and reccommendations. I want to believe that everything's okay and he's just a little bit behind because of the circumstances of his birth, but my therapist told me once to always hope for the best and expect the worst.

It sounds more negative than it is. It's all about preparing your mind for either turnout.

I'm a little scared and a lot concerned. He can't be retarded because his PKU tests came back okay and his behavior doesn't indicate even a mild form of mental retardation. He isn't hyperactive and he has no problems paying attention. He understands what we say and he responds (unless he doesn't feel like it, that is).

All of the signs are good. What I know of my baby, in my guts, tells me he's okay.

I just want to hear someone say it. I want that reassurance. If he has special needs I won't be able to teach him at home and our ideas about what he needs as he grows up and begins his education will have to be changed.

I wish someone had been able to tell us something today. They can't say anything until they've had the chance to study their notes and the video, but it would have been really nice if they had told us something.

Anything.

A simple, "No, he's fine - just lagging a bit," would have made me feel better.

At least I don't have to wait long. That's somewhat comforting.