I've been trying to digest this information for a few days now and I think I'm ready to write about it.

Since my parents are selling their house, the holidays will come and their home will either be in the process of packing or relocation. That means that I'm hosting christmas.

Me.

The one who loathes the holidays violently, and has such inner conflict at the prospect of even being in the same house with these people (she nearly hyperventilates and passes out), is this year's selected holiday hostess.

Good thing I'm back on the meds.

In all seriousness, if everyone behaves himself (note, I didn't say themselves, I know who the troublemakers within my clan are), it should go off quite well. My brother and his wife probably won't be putting in much of an appearance because at the holidays he seems to forget he even has a family and we rarely see them (and then only for a few minutes), so we'll probably only see them on xmas eve. We may have to go to their place to do that. In all fairness to the bro unit; the former bro-zilla, he has been very nice, as has been my dad, so when I say these things it's completely due to my trust issues and no fault on their part(s).

John's at home this year, which removes some of the stress. First of all, he'll be home for most of the day, even though I'll let him go see his dad for an hour or two. FF will have him for most of John's vacation because he lives closer to John's friends, so John's hangs out over there to be close to them. I'll hang on to him for as much of xmas day as I can without a struggle. Also, having John means we won't be taking the trip to SC, which I can really do without. We'll be doing that at thanksgiving so it will be overwith early and I can plan for xmas.

I love my in-laws but they live about 500 miles away and that's a hard trip to make with two little ones.

Anyway, the behavior issue is still tentative but the travel issue is out of the way. SHWEET!!

So now we get down to the planning/menu part of my entry to put things in perspective and we get...

happy!

I don't have to get my kids up early, dress them in a hurry and rush them off to a relative's house when they've barely had time to open their gifts.

We've decided to order dinner rather than make it, which my SIL did last year. The food is good and it saves tons of time. We'll still do a little cooking. My parents want to bring something and I promised Larry I'd make some oatmeal raisin cookies and a red velvet cake. I'll bake a pan of monkey bread too. Maybe steam up some asparagus. Everyone likes that. And I'll have Larry bake us a loaf of his wonderful bread in his bread machine.

Okay, so with very little to do in the kitchen (the cookies can be baked ahead of time and frozen), the holiday is looking much less stressful.

On to the shopping. I've almost completed John's. I got him some action figures and stuff he wanted from Hot Topic and just a few minutes ago ordered him The Best of Beavis & Butthead (and got a good deal on the first season of The Simpsons on DVD as well). Since he likes to pick out his own clothes I'm going to get him a gift certificate from Hot Topic for that and one from Toys R Us so he can pick out some games or something. It's just more practical to do that because his dad or FF Junior always end up getting him something I've already bought and for some reason I always end up being the one who runs back to the store to make the return, even if I've had my gift for months already.

Shit. Why is that?

Deal with it later. Now...

I almost forgot; John wants a Talking Towelie (South Park - I fucking hate Towelie), and I'm going to get him one. Then the certificates and that's it. The order from HT contains action figures, CDs, a poster, an Ozzy shirt and something else. I can't remember what that last thing is. Anyway, with that, the stuff I just bought and the three other things left to buy I think I've done okay for him. I always feel as if I don't give my children enough. But my relatives always give the kids nice gifts so they'll do okay.

So I've already completed some of it and am well on my way.

Seeing it like that makes me feel better, as if I actually have some control over things and can keep the holiday from becoming a complete disaster. Add to that the fact that none of the alcoholic relatives are coming and that ups my comfort level by about 25%. My dad's friend is coming because he doesn't have much family (so we always get custody of him during the holidays), and he is one of those obnoxious people that just grates on my nerves with a severity I am inadequate to express, but I am willing to even push that aside having discovered all of those good things about hosting the holidays. If nothing else, writing everything down does help keep things in perspective.

I can do this. Bring 'em on! I'll feed them, entertain them and make sure everyone has nice gifts. Then I'll give them egg-nog and coffee and we'll all have a good time.

Suddenly I feel a lot more hopeful about the holidays.