I get so angry and disgusted with myself sometimes. I keep saying I'm going to start exercising regularly and it doesn't happen. A project comes up, something needs to be done, one of the kids gets sick, and nothing changes.

As it is I stay so exhausted, I live in constant amazement that I get anything done at all.

Tonight is a great example. John and I finally got the gingerbread men made and decorated - that we were going to do on xmas eve. They're cute and they're tasty but they're a month late.

I made a purchase today that I think may help. Several weeks ago I bought a 30 minute workout tape that I didn't know until it arrived was for advanced fitness levels. The one I bought today is much better - it's one of the original 20: Minute Workout tapes with Bess Motta. Most of the time they're on Ebay for anywhere between thirty and fifty dollars each, but the seller today said she had six to sell and was letting them go for 19.99 each.

$19.99!!

I bought me one, yup yup.

Excuse me for a minute while I rejoice.

I got one! I got one - a Bess Motta original!! Boo ya!! Yay me!!

:: happy dance happy dance much gyration and joyous butt shaking ::

See? It's working already.

Bess Motta was so great! She made me want to exercise and the workout is really effective. We used to do them in gym class when I was in high school and had a blast. I liked Bess way better then my teacher, who was in all honesty here - a bit of a wackadoo. For those of you who enjoyed your adolescence post-1986 and had no exposure to the 20:Minute Workout, Bess Motta was the girl with the tall black hair who played Sara Connor's room mate in The Terminator.

Anyway, those workouts were the best! Warm-up, cool-down and mucho booty shakin' in between. Not to mention the time involved. Even I can find a 20 minute window to devote to shaking the booty.

And I'm sure the booty will thank me for it.

I'd like to lose the ability to park a truck in the shadow of said booty by my birthday (March).

Okay, well maybe that's a tall order but I want to at least lose fifteen punds by then. I don't think that's so unrealistic.

~~~~

I got the shit scared out of me the other day and it has made me much more determined to make sure I get enough calcium. Apparently bone density studies in long term tests have determined that the hormonal imbalances of women who suffer from long term depression have major bone loss at much younger ages than women who don't suffer from long bouts of depression. I don't fear alzheimers because we don't have a history of it in our family. I don't fear my diabetes (though I often resent it), because I know what I have to do to control it. But osteoporosis is terrifying to me. I drink milk, I eat cheese and other dairy products but up until recently I haven't been as diligent about taking my vitamins as I should be.

I'll be taking those bad boys now though, yes indeed.

Not only that, but I think it's a pretty good argument for making sure I maintain my serum level when it comes to the depression meds and not be too hard-headed to increase my dosage when I need to.

One of the women who was featured in the report when it was shown on TV only discovered how severe her bone loss was when she fell and broke either her leg or her hip (to be honest, at this point in the report I was too overwhelmed to remember that but I do remember her age). During the course of treating her injury they saw the extent of her loss, which was like that of a woman in her late sixties. She was forty.

Forty, dammit!!

I hope this becomes something a lot of women pay attention to because it can be treated, both with good vitamins and good meds. No woman should have to fear that she's going to become that fragile before she's even old enough to retire.

Four years ago dental x-rays revealed some bone loss in my upper and lower jaws. I haven't lost any teeth or had pain, for which I'm truly grateful. I don't think it's too late to help myself, either, but it's going to mean being much better about taking care of this body than I have been. I don't like it much but it's the only one I have.

I'm also going to have to pay extra special attention to what's happening with Zoe so she can get treatment right away if she needs it. We already give her vitamins. All of my children take them.

It's a good thing I'm better about taking care of my children than I am about taking care of myself. If I treated them the way I treat me they'd be in bad shape indeed.

But I'll probably be better now that I've had a nice hefty dose of reality.

I think I'll go take my vitamins now.