11:42 p.m.

[ Welcome to my life. ]

Since Trent sleeps in a toddler bed in our room, when I awoke to find that he was not in there with me my ass became spring activated, propelling me several feet from the bed. I was instantly awake.

As it turns out, John had him on the changing table trying to figure out how to change the diaper that was so firmly duct taped to him.

"Uh, mom...I have a question..."

I explained the reason for duct taping the diaper to his brother while John laughed hysterically. I have the feeling John is going to have some pretty decent blackmail fodder with this information when Trent gets older and starts dating.

Bummer for Trent.

It was mostly a silly day. John and I squared off with a baby tee-shirt and a washcloth. I was twirling the shirt and he saw me then started twirling the cloth, getting ready to snap me good with it.

"Son, that's a baby washcloth. I have the clear advantage. Give up."

John sucked on a corner of the washcloth.

"Well now it's wet, Mom, so ya better stand back or it's gonna sting!!"

The whole thing had me laughing so we never did get around to snapping each other.

Oh but wait...

I had to make the choice between changing Trent's diaper and feeding Zoe, who was screaming for her breakfast after having one of the most dung-filled diapers in history removed from her little chunky butt. Zoe won. In my house there are no clear favorites. It's whoever is pitching the loudest fit. And this morning it was baby girl, who was going at it with such intensity she was starting to change colors.

I got her started with some banana strawberry and was mentally going down the list of things I needed to get done today when Trent toddled by. He was walking like John Wayne because his diaper was so loaded it was starting to droop. Poop of an odd greenish color was oozing from one side. He noticed that at the exact same moment I did and stuck his hand in it, too fast for John and I to stop him. We tried, but he was just too quick for us. So John grabbed him by the wrists and led him back to the changing table to clean his hands, laughing so hard he could barely breathe. Trent tried to grab his shirt and John jumped about a mile trying to avoid it.

"Aaah!! That's poop!! Don't touch me!!"

By then I was laughing too. So much I almost peed myself.

John kept watch over his brother for the next few minutes while I finished feeding Zoe then we took him back to change his pants, which have to be cut off because of the duct tape. John's only interest in this was to have the story of why duct tape was necessary repeated (to fresh laughter, I might add), and see if the rest of the poop was the same weird color as the sludge that had oozed from the leghole earlier. It was. Whenever Trent drinks Fierce Grape Gatorade this happens, and I can't for the life of me figure out why, seeing as the dye that gives it that intense color is, in fact, purple.

The rest of the day went pretty much like that.

My babies like to bond and they have for some reason chosen poop as the best tool for the bonding experience. Some people like to bond over a beer. Some bond over a trip to a tattoo place. Some do it over dinner.

My kids poop. In great quantity. At the same times every day. If I change Trent's stinky diaper there's sure to be a fully loaded one on Zoe too.

It's quite a phenomena.

I guess pretty soon I'll be taping up her pants too.

Welcome to my life.