12:29 a.m.

[ Worried ]

I fully expect to pay for being up this late working on my journal when if I'm going to be up awhile, it should be for other things. My brother's visit went well and he and his wife were really nice to me, but I couldn't help feeling as if something ugly was going to happen. It's just our history. I knew his wife would behave like a lady, she always does, but I don't trust him yet, however nice he seems to be. I had a nice evening but it would have been better if I could have relaxed a bit more and shook that "the axe-drop is imminent" feeling.

Maybe next time.

Everyone is finally starting to show signs of improvement, except for hubby. He's still having problems and might need to go back to the doctor. This will be the third time. The cough seems to get better, then it gets worse and I'm really scared because his passing out from it is still fresh in my mind. He was feeling gross and extremely depressed today (yesterday), too.

I just want him to be better, however we have to go about it. I never really saw him as a mortal figure until he passed out last Friday. He was always tall, strong, almost invincible until then. Now I know he's a fragile as the rest of us and I know I could lose him eventually.

I'm nowhere close to being prepared for that.

I can't even process that. It took me my whole life to find him and I don't think I could ever recover if something terrible happened to him. This cough is the worst I've ever seen and nothing seems to help.

So he needs to get his ass to the doctor, for his comfort and my peace of mind.